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  • Mj Pettengill

The Eye of the Storm: A Stream of Consciousness


Reflection

Blogs... I usually write the first draft, run it through my editing software, re-read it a few times (once aloud), and then post it. The latter is much like pushing a boulder uphill.


Since I have zero internet service, I do not participate in cool things like streaming. I can post my blogs and access some online resources via my iPhone hotspot. It is not consistent or reliable, it is killing my battery, but I'm committed to sharing my words. I also want to communicate with my family that is scattered around the globe. It takes a few hours to POST a blog. When you see one of my posts appear, give a cheer because to succeed, I clenched my teeth, sweat, screamed, and finally refrained from rigging my own noose. I won't get into this ongoing dilemma. Over the years, I have contacted senators, Congress members, the governor, the FCC, PUC, and more. And yes, yes, yes... I am in the woods, but many other residents close by do have internet and presently have options rolling in that do not include me. It's a tangled, sordid mess. I choose to write about something else. Hey! The sun is coming out. ;-)

Today, I started to write about nineteenth-century orphans, followed by some of my initial research. I then began to sift through the books in the EIG Series, letting myself off the hook, about to post another excerpt. But I have too much stirring within. Okay, so I am grateful to live in the woods. I know that I mention this often. I do believe that this is the best place for me. Well, actually, I do love being by the sea, but that is for another lifetime or maybe later in this one. I have made it a priority to shield myself from the media and outer chatter. I do this with as much vigilance as possible. As a former investigative journalist and as one who always questions everything, it has been somewhat of a challenge. It has gotten easier with each passing day. In fact, if I happen to catch a glimpse of the news, or a program where they are screaming out the fear factor, I almost run out of the room. But I don't. I remain composed and exit. I come across sordid bits and pieces online. Since I post regularly on various social media platforms, it is impossible not to get the scuttlebutt. I decide whether or not to get hooked. 99% of the time, I dismiss the headlines. It is important for me to be informed but not hijacked and manipulated. Is avoiding the news a different form of manipulation? Is it fear-driven or setting healthy boundaries? I choose the latter. I have written much about my connection to the great outdoors. This is not new. However, it is heightened. I want to hold onto what feels or seems right to me. Watching the blue jays, wondering if the chipmunks really did hightail it into the den already, and marveling at the blue heron that has frequents the formerly dry pond is where it's at for me. When I do opt for viewing something, I find myself going in a new/old direction. I have become a Trekkie. This is new to me. Sure, I know about Star Trek, but I never really watched it. I am into the old ones--from the sixties. It's mind-blowing how the episodes were considered outlandish "Sci-fi" in the day, but now they seem quite relevant. I might catch an episode of the Twilight Zone, but chances are, I will write, play music, paint, or read. I have also become a fan of North Woods Law, finding myself looking into becoming a certified wildlife rehabilitator. (I have experience.) I probably won't. But during this time, my bond with wildlife has strengthened. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Okay, so here we are, just days before the election. I want to take this time to tell you that I don't care who you are voting for or if you vote or not. I don't care which signs you have posted on your front yard, nailed into your tree (ouch), or which bumper sticker you have on your car. It doesn't matter to me whether you mail in your vote or go to your polling place. I don't care. The numbers are rising. The numbers are falling. People are hating. People are loving. Folks like me are talking to squirrels, eating the chocolate that I swore off, and wondering if it's safe to put out the hanging bird feeders. But deep down, I know it's not. Just a few nights ago, I watched a black bear rattle the smokebox looking for cracked corn. He was gentle and didn't knock it over. Sometimes I see the news on my iPhone. It's always enough to remind me of what I need to ignore. But there's enough there to sense what is being spoonfed to the masses. These suggestions without the full article are clear indications of sowing seeds. I know. I'm a farmer. In addition to going out in the natural world, I spend a great deal inward as well. While the world is spinning, as it will continue to do so, find your calm. Make your way to the eye of the storm, and be the observer. From the deepest part of me, I wish you well. I envision the positive change that can emerge from the darkness, uncertainty, and crumbling away of what was once familiar. I have learned to release what is no longer in my best interest or what is no longer aligned. I do so with love. Sometimes it's sad, but in time, the wisdom of such action pays off. Something that I learned a few years ago that has stayed with me: sacrifice lacks love. Do what you do with love and without expecting something in return. Give from your heart, and you will not have to ask for anything else. Off I go to continue writing the fourth book in the series. It has been a little more challenging to focus, but it is coming together. Many possible souls are waiting patiently to tell their stories. Some are good, solid characters that we know well. Others have been present but are stepping into the light. May peace be with you.

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