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  • Mj Pettengill

Your Inner Compass


Compass, Light, Trees, CCO

It appears that the bottom fell out. I think it's a good thing, but I go back and forth on that one. Does it mean that we are uncomfortable? I believe so. The world is watching. Will we live up to our alleged greatness? Or is that an illusion? What is God up to?

Sometimes, for a fraction of a second, I forget that we are hovering and somewhat directionless. I am almost always aware of this new world that we inhabit, but sometimes, there is an instant when I forget. The only reason I know this is because of when I remember. If only I could prolong the dream, the peace of ignoring the uneasiness that pushes its way into my head.

I will be the first one to mention to friends and family about the importance of staying in the present moment. It's all so cliché, I know. But it sustains me. It's good advice, and we should cling to it. In the heart of convincing and soothing, I say that we transitioned into this new place so that we can let go of that which has been a vexation to our souls.

As a mother, I perpetually told my children that their negative experiences weren't about the actual events, but what they would do with the lessons presented. If one misses the opportunity or the learning, then these occurrences are meaningless. Now, I must live up to those words like I never have before.

Every time I hear someone exclaim that they cannot wait for things to return to normal, I shudder.

"You don't mean that," I say.

Humans tend to wish for what they know over the unknown, even if it's uncomfortable and has proven to fail. It's an age-old dilemma. It is quite common in abusive relationships, for victims to stay with abusers for several reasons, one being because it is familiar. It may be unconscious, but most likely, it is out of fear. These unfortunate circumstances could stem from childhood abuse, and an individual seeks a different outcome, placing him/herself in harm's way throughout life. They may be mistreated and unhappy, but they are in familiar territory. Is this the model that we wish to follow?

We have been operating from our shared wounds for centuries, failing to stop, correct, and heal, forging and strengthening trauma bonds with each other and our past. Often, the damage is embedded and wired so profoundly that we have shut down avenues for their proper acknowledgment, making it impossible for release or preventing permanence. Our bleeding wounds are infected. Patching them with a bandaid without adequate cleaning and care results in long-term, self-inflicted pain, and even death.

The source of torment is individual, cultural, ancestral, and intergenerational. We share, run away from, and are dictated by unidentified and unacknowledged grief and shame. We move along at such a frenzied pace, there isn't time to stop and asses or reassess damages done to self and others. This has been the way for centuries.

Now, we have had no choice but to stop. With so many conflicting, divisive, and rapidly changing procedures in our regions, states, and country, the fear and confusion are mounting. Making decisions for ourselves and others has become so muddy, seeing our way through may seem impossible. We are questioning our inner compasses (another common term that I used as a mother). Stop. Do not go there. Lies may and do come from many sources, but your instincts will never lie to you.

We must make decisions. They will impact us all. Are they good or bad? Have we been duped, or are we fragile and about to crumble away into oblivion? So, in fear, once again, people are pressured into making choices right now. There are no real guidelines, just threats, and facing potential loss. These losses might mean jobs, insurance coverage, homes, unemployment, and our own health and wellbeing, and that of others. But, what if this isn't even true? Which numbers do we look at?

Here is an example of a conflict. Laconia, NH Motorcycle Week is usually held in June. It is the oldest rally if its kind in the country. It was announced that because of COVID19, it will be postponed until August. Fair enough. Oh, did I just type fair? The state and local fairs here in NH are in the process of announcing cancellations. For example, the Sandwich Fair, in the town where I live, is held in October, the last of the fairs. It is canceled. The last time it was canceled was during the Spanish Flu epidemic.

My grand question: Is it safe to congregate or not? If we don't know, do only some organizations take precautions? It is evident that there are no guidelines, and the public must think and act for themselves.


Pay attention to the reasons and the people making decisions. What is at risk? What is the ultimate cost? Take your time to think, and as difficult as it is (because of our wiring), please do not take politics into account. Try to view this monumental global event through a new lens. You have the opportunity to respond according to your instincts and intuition.


If you are unsure about your next step, remember, nothing is the same. Whatever you lived for in the old world, are you ready to die for now? Or, is it time to look at everything, everyone, mostly yourself, unattached from the wound.


Free yourself from ancient trauma bonds. Let us forge new relationships from the heart over the mind. Choose authentic care and compassion for the health of Our Mother and all of her inhabitants. Be the love that you wish to receive. Radiate goodwill to all beings.

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