Marya of the Wood: The Strong Silent Type
Several months ago, while out foraging, I experienced trauma to my lower back and knees in a "deep mud" incident. Prior to that fateful day, I had already stretched my back muscles to the limit while stripping my studio, making way for the winterization project. After extricating myself from the deep, black mud, I was able to heal my knees (the left was more serious than the right). However, my back has been in pain during this entire time. (I am the strong silent type, sigh.)
Knowing so many who have had back surgeries and long-term issues, I continued to work on my own healing. I did Qi Gong and other stretching exercises daily and used various oils, balms, liniments, and supplements. I had no results.
I will admit that I have a clear and definite fear surrounding most of the mainstream medical field. This is well deserved, based on witnessing some incredible forms of malpractice resulting in long-term injuries and the death of more than one loved one. I cannot legally disclose information about a significant malpractice lawsuit that I filed (and won) on behalf of another. (Horror is a good word for it, and I am still recovering, emotionally.)
So, I do everything in my power to heal myself. Up until this point, I have been very successful (for those who don't know, I'm a wildcraft herbalist).
Yesterday, I finally surrendered and went to see an osteopathic doctor. I was prepared to undergo many tests and possibly learn that I had developed some debilitating condition requiring surgery. I needed to let go of my experience-based fear and do it.
I am grateful that I did. I had dislocated my sacrum. The doctor made an adjustment and provided care instructions. Five months is a long time to withstand debilitating back pain. I was too determined to overcome this on my own.
I understand my response to what I witnessed, but I learned that it is vital to overcome my fear and take responsibility for myself. I know that we have excellent medical technology that may be essential in our maintaining our wellness. We do have to continue to rely on our instincts and intuition when it comes to our bodies. We also have to proceed into that world with our senses heightened. (There is a great deal of corruption surrounding profit margins. Many know this.)
The doctor told me that everything I did regarding herbs and supplements was correct and to continue taking them. I required medical attention to correct the dislocation.
I am so relieved. As I always ask in most situations, "where is the learning?" For me, it is (always) to go beyond fear. It is trusting the process to find my way back to my sense of balance and good health... Trust my instincts, but remember to pull back the veil and look deeper.
I had forged through my daily activities, even going on long hikes, thinking that I would prevail. I needed help. It's okay.
My heart is full to overflowing with gratitude. (Image: CCO)